There are better ways to handle this than murder.

As a police officer, shouldn’t you know that murder is often the quickest solution to problems?



You know what I mean, eight foot, three meters, whatever. Still horrifying.

I’m sort of with you on clowns though.

Ooooh. Now I get it. When it comes to monsters my mind immediately jumps to amounts of feet. 

They’re fucking scary, okay? Especially because in real life now the only situation you might encounter them is when they’re swinging an axe at you. 


I doubt that would help anything. 

Pence is just as bad.

Could you maybe get a second canon from somewhere?

Alternatively, you could just build your own pirate ship. Hopefully the police officer will be much happier with that?


I don’t recommend that. You could go to federal prison.

Don’t suggest that, Dustin.

And then we would be stuck with P

I mean, maybe one person would need to go to federal prison for assassination of the president for the benefit of everyone else?


So I won a cannon. If you’re wondering I am being completely literal. I’ve gotten, a literal cannon.

Any suggestions as to what I should do with it?

Someone needs to take one for the team and get rid of this joke of a president. Why not have it be you?


They didn’t warn you against luring men back to your house though. Although telling them to clean isn’t the best way to do it.

So far I’m just calling him Cat if you want to name him.

Well, I couldn’t lure you with cats now, could I?

You can’t name a cat Cat! That is literally the most boring name on the planet. Jesus. Do you have no creativity at all? Where did your brain go, to your muscles?

Why does she say no?

She says it’s too much responsibility and she is very busy with work and also my grades are bad in some subjects and a pet would take up too much of my time. Oh, and we have some wooden furniture from grandma that she doesn’t want scratched.